Funny Mummy: July, 2007
Mutiny of the Body
On a recent holiday after an evening of late night chardonnays, I had a discussion with a friend about a phenomenon which we both had recently experienced: Waking up in the morning to acknowledge that while the hangover will surely dissipate, the fact that our once youthful and unscathed bodies had been replaced with one that’s filled with aches, pains, and more than a few stretch marks on more than a few places…and this can’t be cured with a cold drink and a greasy burger. Forget Invasion of the Body Snatchers, its more like Mutiny Of The Body. If I look hard enough, I can still see the dent in my knee from an ill advised ski trail, the stitches under my chin from a childhood experiment involving an upside-down wooden playpen on a cement driveway, and a mystery scratch along my right arm from my university days (or nights). I can also see the effects of over 40 years of living, four pregnancies (including one caesarean – my eternal excuse for never having a flat stomach), lapsed exercise classes, and my advanced appreciation of all cheeses blue and wines white. But the damage done to a Mom’s body doesn’t stop with just the results of pregnancy and childbirth. Once the kids are here, the injuries and injustices just keep on coming.
Take for example the semi-black eye I’m sporting thanks to an overzealous head bob by a hard headed five year old, the scratched and bruised ankle from the out-of-control swing of the eight year old’s scooter, and even the small dent in my forehead from tripping over the teenager’s backpack in the front hall (I was lucky the fall was stopped by whacking my head on the glass doors or I would have flown straight down the basement stairs.) Surprisingly, none of these children feel the least guilty or sorry for any pain or bruise they might cause – you’re a Mom, after all, and you’re not supposed to be human. Added to the indignity of weird marks on your body and the lack of sympathy from any family member (oh, hello, Dads are great at trying to extract sympathy for the least physical pain, but not so quick to dole it out), is the fact that if you have a cut that requires coverage, it will likely be done so with a SpongeBob bandage which you will have to sport to the one restaurant meal you’ve had this month.
Maintenance and structure, that’s what it’s all about once your body has entered the Momzone. Maintenance not only in the form of those darn exercise classes and controlled portion size, but also in maintaining an aware eye on the flying objects and hurtling children which might come your way. I often think dodge ball would be a good moms-in-training class, but instead of throwing a ball, heaving winter boots, plastic building pieces, and wooden trains at the unsuspecting and still glowing new mothers. Structure manifests itself in sturdy clothing, hold-em-together bras and an agreed upon level of understanding that Mom in fact does feel pain (granted somewhat less than when we GAVE BIRTH TO THEM), and when the inevitable injury du jour does happen, all witnesses and perpetrators need to understand their roles of sympathy and recovery (i.e. a non-cartoon-ized bandage).
While it can be painful to reminisce about our youthful and tighter selves, we can keep ourselves “off the ledge” by remembering that our bodies also show the years of living, fun, laughs, drinks, and great times we’ve had with our kids, our friends, and families. It’s similar to finding that the house is as clean at the end of the day as it was first thing in the morning…never happens…and the clutter (or wrinkles) should be a reminder that life is to be lived.
Now if I could just get my kids to stop commenting about the errant chin hairs that have found their way through the raggedy stitch line on this otherwise perfectly lived face…pass me the chard sweetie.
Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, “Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home” is available in bookstores everywhere. Visit
www.kathybuckworth.com
Saturday's Freebie Finds.
Subscribe
